My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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