Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
