I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
