Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my sisters under your porch take her home
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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