when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
