i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
