You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
