i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
