drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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