im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
