We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You ruined the universe
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
