and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
