I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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