and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
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