So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
