margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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