WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
