I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
