Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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