Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
