nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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