All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
