At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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