I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There r osticjed everywhere
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
