She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
