I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize