I think I am morally bankrupt
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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