I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
