So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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