Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
