Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
