I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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