i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
