i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
