And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
