i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
