I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
