My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize