Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
