You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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