well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
