Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
