So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
