My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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