I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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