yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
