I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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