My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i've created a new STD.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
