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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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