True but thats because hes a fetus.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
