Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
