I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
