I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
