Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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