Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
