There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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