I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
