my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
