i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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