dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
