I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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