He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
