we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
