Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
