Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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