we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
