oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
