The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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