Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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