Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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