you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
