He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
is it fun? or sober?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
