all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
