I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
