I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
