go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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