My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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