she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
