Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
