guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
