so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize