My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
