sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
