Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
