are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
