i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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