Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
