he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
