I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
