South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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