dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
