i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
