Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
