Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize