just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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