he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
