i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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